My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
