Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize