My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
