Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
