i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
