I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
