please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
