you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
