well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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