after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
