...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
