I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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