No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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