i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
