you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize