hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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