oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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