Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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