I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
