So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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