1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
3 2 1 whiskey
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
