You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize