Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
