Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize