how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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