im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
