whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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