My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
