when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
