Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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