So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
