I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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