Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
