Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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