gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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