I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
