I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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