that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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