Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
