Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
