We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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