I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
