This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
