She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
