Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
