I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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