I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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