His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
As shirtless as possible
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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