ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
