2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
