hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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