I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
