Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
