bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up under a house in Key West
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