That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
