there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
