marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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