I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just cropdusted the office
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
