You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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