drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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