am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just googled if crying burns calories
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
