The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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