Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I want to fling myself into the sun
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
