i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
