I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
