Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
