You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
