Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
