Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
