Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
