You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
