I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
