This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
