i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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