She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
