Too much gin, very little bucket
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
smell my finger.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
