I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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