But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
