Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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