True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
