Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
