I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
