he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
